Thursday, December 08, 2005

Where have you gone Joe De'Grammy'o?

I envision that someday even I will have a child. A little girl, maybe. Oh how sweet she’ll be, how smart and fun. She’ll love music as her mother does and she’ll pursue her dreams with the zeal of youth. But I also envision a darker day. Having to sit down my daughter and have “the talk” with her. “I knew this day would come,” I’ll say. I’ll have to tell her the history of...Mariah Carey. The Duchess of Darkness. She who must not be named.
My children will know that the powers of Mariah Carey are to be feared and never underestimated. Her name must never be spoken, lest she may appear and destroy. Her voice has the power to make you do things you would never in your right mind do. Before you know it your bedroom will be filled with furry pink alarm clocks or drawers filled to the brim with nail polish and lipstick. You’ll start using words like ‘precious’ or ‘darling’ to describe inanimate objects. You’ll say things like, “When the world learns to love what they’ve got, then the peace can begin,” or have the profound political advice of “I think it’s good the government want to take away everyone’s guns, then no one will have them anymore and people can be happy.” Then it will spread to your clothes. You’ll buy ‘baby-tee’ shirts with phrases like “Girls Rule” or “In Your Dreams” written in cursive sequins and your jeans will get tighter and tighter until you need a shoe horn to get into them.
No matter the song, no matter how good it appears to be, never concede. That leads to the dark side. The mindless, lemming-like musical tastes that will never scratch the itch that will be inherently embedded in my seed. Sure it starts with Mariah Carey and then what? Soon I'll hear Michael Bolton or Lionel Ritchie late at night when my kids don't think I can hear it, then I'll know it's too late.
I suppose I will have to explain the numerous Grammy nominations that the Duchess of Darkness has received this current year. Sometimes, good things happen to bad people. And all we can do is hope that those of us who haven’t been infected by ‘she who must not be named’ will band together and keep supporting the constants like David Gray or U2.
You see I, yes even I, was once entranced by the song ‘Hero’ to which I only admit in order to accentuate my place in the struggle. I know how easy it is to fall victim to the sadistic siren’s tune. But there is hope. Soon all you’ll hear is the shrieking of a crack- banshee that will turn your soul cold. So once I got past the brief-lived Mariah Carey tolerance, I began my fierce campaign to bring the wielder of the dark arts down from her ‘glitter’ing, hollow, pillar of ignorance and “I love everyone”ism.
I cannot trace from whence my loathing began, perhaps it was from the first shrill solo or the disgustingly revealing dresses, or perhaps an amalgamation of all things Mariah Carey...all I know is, I don’t like her.
I don’t want to terrify my children, but I think it’s important to have a certain amount of fear for unexplained, supernatural, freak phenomenon – i.e. Mariah Carey becoming famous a first time, let alone a second.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I love you man – I know – No, I mean it, I really love you man!...

Last night I attended my ward Christmas party. Not only did I attend said party, I contributed to the program with two songs done with my beloved band-mate, and, with all my roommates and full respect and attention to the detail of original, the Christmas Song performed by Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan and Tracy Morgan.

Ah the holidays; Family, friends, food, sleeping in and classic, unbreakable traditions. But this time of year brings so much more than that. It always seems to be when the world slows down long enough for one to do some deep introspection, whether one wants to or not. Seriously, Christmas is the equivalent of Valentine’s Day for me. It’s the time of year when one really feels how “one” they truly are. I hate Valentine’s Day for completely different reasons, which if listed would paint me bitter or lovelorn, so I shall forgo.
But Christmas brings those moments when I think about the events of the past year. The ankle sprains, the random road trips, school, work, school, church, or school. There were certainly some good times. And although it is the beginning of the month, I thought that I would send my love out early to all those who have made my year fantastic.
Today is and I’m sure always will be a very reflective day for me, and I think about where I could’ve been if I had made different choices. ‘Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the road less traveled by. And it has made all the difference.’ -Robert Frost. I know, you’re almost in tears, but it gets sappier still.
Thank-you everyone who listened to me complain over stupid things, laugh over stupid things or analyze stupid things; and screw-you too because they weren’t stupid to me, but mostly thank-you. Thank-you for the hours of laughter, the individual, unforgettable lessons I’ve learned from all of you and the memories that will stay with me forever. I wouldn’t have made it through these months nearly as well without the constant surety of friends. I don’t know what it was that brought all of you incredible people to my life, but I’m forever in debt to it.
Now I’m veklempt....talk amongst yourselves...

all my love,
lakweesha